What’s in your toolbox? What’s in your emotional toolbox, your artistic toolbox, your business toolbox, your marketing toolbox?
I used to have a huge fear of commitment.
Years ago after I got off the road as the lead singer for a hair band I realized I was having challenges creating relationships with women that were deeper than just sex. I was really worried that I would end up old and alone with a house full of cats (LOL, I’m TOTALLY a dog person, but you get the point). As you can imagine after a good 7 years as a full time 80’s-rock-band-front-man-on-permanent-tour, I had encountered many women. I also managed to experience some longer, emotionally profound relationships with a few quality women who I found intriguing, smart, and captivating; but still, scared to commit. Yikes!
I definitely needed some help so I sought out therapy at the brazen request of a freshly-fired girlfriend who assumed she was leaving Nashville with me to move to California (I still don’t know how the hell she thought that, man, it wasn’t like we were living together or dating that long, but I digress). She actually handed me a number of a therapist in Pasadena (SO RANDOM) and sternly told me to call him the minute I got out there.
I did call him and I recommend therapy for everyone. Therapy is like college for your own soul. Therapy is all about finding out who YOU are and feeling comfortable in your own skin; which I desperately needed. This therapist, Stan, was amazing and is still a great friend and spiritual adviser to me. During the first session he asked me why I was there and I explained. As the session ended he said, “Johnny, I’m gonna bet that you don’t have sisters or if you do, they are younger and by at least 4 years.”
I said, “WTF?? How do you know that?” (Not expecting the fortune telling element at all…he was right, I have 2 amazing sisters 4 years and 7 years younger than me)
He replied, “Because you don’t know shit about women.”
I laughed out loud at the silly man! “Stan, I have forgotten about more women than most men will ever have.”
Stan countered, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s true, man, but you still don’t know shit about women so you’re scared to death of getting too close to them.”
Game! Set! Match!
I was cornered with logic. He went on to explain that a boy with older sisters or sisters who are closer to his age (close enough that they are in his social/peer groups growing up) offer a front row seat to the trials and tribulations of romantic relationships from the female perspective that said boy is more inclined to respect, internalize and learn from. When the sisters are younger and out of your peer group they are just a nuisance.
True story again!
I was essentially lacking a tool in my emotional toolbox and I had just defined exactly what tool was missing. You see, that was half the battle. Now I could move forward with a clear plan to improve my life. Identifying the missing tool actually got me excited to learn about the ever fearful unknown. I was totally stoked to explore, which lessened the fear of the unknown. This internal encouragement couldn’t have happened had I not understood that I was lacking somewhere. Get it?
You Have To Find the Missing Tools In Your Toolbox
As humans and especially artists we are (hopefully) inclined to constantly improve. We want, need, and search for new steps in the staircase of development that lead us to higher plateaus of emotional and artistic impeccability. However, this requires change to occur. As humans andespecially artists, we are quite resistant to change; this results in pain and suffering. This pain and suffering causes stagnation, idle artistry, and (gasp) mediocrity!
The thing is, our lives and our art can be constantly improving if we understand one simple concept; you’re human so you never have all the tools you need. I find this to be a common roadblock with the talent we work with as they have a naive understanding of (or simply ignore) the process of artistic development; it IS A PROCESS and it takes time.
The main part of the process is to be open to the process.
Part of the process is to understand your strengths and capitalize on them.
Part of the process is to recognize your weaknesses and improve upon them.
Part of the process is unfettered exploration; the constant search for tools you don’t have and the curiosity to discover how they will benefit your journey.
Part of the process is to identify mentors.
Part of the process is to allow yourself to be mentored artistically, businesswise, relationship-wise, marketwise, communication-wise, etc.
Part of the process is humility.
Part of the process is acceptance.
You are born with some great tools. Maybe you have incredible talent, maybe you have incredible drive, maybe you’re an expert politician, maybe you’re a good leader, maybe you’re good at creating relationships, and maybe you understand business.
But you don’t have all the tools.
What are you missing?
Do you need:
- Business acumen?
- Marketing expertise?
- Vocal lessons?
- Recording experience?
- Better people-skills?
- Communication skills?
- Songwriting proficiency? (It’s not magic it’s a CRAFT!)
- Stage presence?
- Attitude adjustments?
- Ego check?
- More practice?
- More knowledge?
So which ones are you missing?